None of the links to the catalog work. :'(

I'm afraid those links fail... Timeout.
I'd talk to your webmaster about his PHP configuration.

(Az's Note: To get the links to work, go to the main page first, and then they'll load fine.

I'll look for an alternative in the meantime.)

`The customers need to look at the picture and think "Wow, that's sexy! If I buy this bra and panties, then I'll look like that too!" So, that's why the models suddenly become Gaijin."`

Aw, damn, and here I am teaching English, when the real job market was in underwear modelling all along. Talk about a missed opportunity. I get the surfing the net at work thing though, sometime there`s just waaay too much downtime, especially in August.

The links work for me :)

Hey Az, how do you converse with your Chinese colleague? In English or Japanese?

I have a couple female Asian-American friends (both full Chinese), both of them have American B/C-cups. One of them has a sister with an L-Cup. We have a friend from Japan, she is very much a Japanese girl in the curve department. When she found out their measurments, she said, "What?! You are not Asian!! That is not normal!!!" I've heard that regardless of your race or heritage, when children are born in another country, even if their race is full something else, they change with the environment they're brought up in. While their parents stay the same.

Random thing I thought about. (I blame a Human Geography course I took last year.)

Ah yes, Night Eyes II. A fine piece of cinema for the young boys who just wanna see boobies. I remember it well. Ok, not that well. Just boobies.

Say Az, just remember to take care when linking to something. Sure, it's Japan and most people couldn't care less about you, but companies can be touchy about blogs talking about them, especially if made by someone actually working for them. Well, is there is a possible (or suspected) liability of course.

All of this to say that there's no definite risk but better be a little safe than sorry. I'm saying this because there were some cases here in France where employers sued employees who blogged about their jobs and whose employers decided it was liable to the company's image.

Most of the bloggers won because it was impossible to know the company without some highly extensive research. But the lawyers still tried to beast on them Saotome-style if you what I mean.

Well I'm pretty sure you know what you're doing so keep up the good work.

Do your coworkers know about gaijinsmash or you being Az? Because I doing the Scott Adams about my company and I've been wondering if management knows the actual content of my webcomic. To be fair though, it's tough to identify the company unless you've worked or is still employed here and more or less, I've poked fun at both management and the employees.
Say, your company website at least caters to non-Japanese speakers if its for Japan. I've used some websites that will obviously have non-Japanese speaking audiences but don't have English translations.
Keep up the good work!

heya. new lurker here. heheh =)

i dont think ALL asians are plankwoods with skin. it depends on which part of asia, really. if you look at the indians, they are have meat on their bones. the same goes for arabs. usually the japanese and chinese are thin-frammed. it's the types of food i guess =P

"You must remember that Asian women are just flat. The front, the back, the sides, flat." (altho this is kinda generalised, i was ROFLOL)

Awe-inspiring comment from the woman looking over your shoulder.

I think I would have assploded in shock.

Az, This is one of those times in which you are lucky you are not working back in the USA. I've just had to finish taking a required company anti-harassment training course.

What it boils down to is this. If someone comes barging into your personal space, looks over shoulder at what you are doing, and decides to be offended by it, then YOU are guilty of harassment. Worse still, it doesn't matter if the person said anything to you about it at the time, or even if they laughed and said something positive. They are still free---days later---to change their minds and file a harassment complaint.

(Az's Note: Jeezus H. Merciful Cripes! Are you f'n kidding me?!

God Bless Japan, I guess.)

Az, I can't believe you were unaware of the Gaijin kid models thing. Japanese people love Gaijin children. In fact for Gaijin kids, the Gaijin Perimeter is reversed. I have experienced this first hand. When I was 4-5 my father was stationed at the military base in Yokosuka. When I was that age I had almost platinum blonde hair(its brown now), and my 7 year-old sister did as well. Japanese people regularly gave us free candy, and generally seemed to regard us as the epitomy of cute. This was kinda a mixed bag though, since candy comes in wonderful flavors like oyster there.As a result its incredibley common for people stationed in Japan to model there children to make some extra cash. My parents almost modeled me, but given the choice between starting a career of her own, and pimping her child out, she chose her own career.

That older woman co-worker sounds like the cook at my work. She just starts telling people about her sex life, and shes done this since the day she started.

First visit the main page of the site and and click on one of the links on the right. Then come back to the article and the links work.

I wouldn't worry about Az people, he's a smart enough guy to know to talk to the president of the company before putting up links to their pages. Why would the company complain, anyways? Free publicity! They should send over a hottie with a cooler full of beer to hand feed Az beef, just to thank him.

A Japanese friend of mine might actually have the answer to why they use gaijin kids instead of Japanese ones. Apparently, a lot of Japanese people consider foreign kids really cute (her included). Or, in her specific words (and I swear to God this is an actual quote), "[Japanese children] look like monkeys."

I'm pretty sure the children thing is te old bandwagon trick. "Every other race is wearing them."

You made me laugh in class you asshole. Got me kicked out. Totally worth it though. Nice post.

Maybe they are afraid that Japanese boys and girls look too much alike, and that people might order boys clothes for a girl or vice versa unless they have gaijin models.

I would imagine that there is a big market for Japanese Condoms in America. Think about it, you tell your girl you have a mammoth sized wang and to help prove it you use the "Large Sized" condom you bought from Japan which helps the illusion that the wang is bigger than it really is. Hell this is more useful for guys who don't want to acknowledge their own miniscule size by covering it up with a condom that is large for another country where in they are conisdered Behemmoths.

Also I don't really think you can trademark the Legendary No Hands Jack™ since my first time was almost exactly the same, just replace Shannon Tweed Movie with some Random Skinimax Flick. Hey man you had to share your first Jack so try not to be so creeped out.

Shannon was my first, too... fond memories of watching TV with the sound off and hammering 'standby' if I heard my parents coming upstairs.

I feel bad saying this, but I think the children models are Gaijin because little Japanese boys and girls look the same. :o

I <3 you AZ. If I ever come to your part of Japan will you have dinner with me?

Great post, but going by the fact that everything is in italics after "jewels collection", I think you forgot to close a tag.

the no hands is my bread and butter. I use it to perfect my technique..but that's waaay too much information for the internets...sorry

Re: Harassment.

Oh Az, it gets better. Here's a harassment scenario straight from the training course.

"Dillip" is leaving the office to return to India, so as a good-bye present, some co-workers buy a fancy multi-band cell phone. "Bob," on his own time and equipment at home, makes a funny video clip for Dillip, and downloads it to the phone. Bob brings the phone in to the office to show the clip to some Dillip's co-workers (male and female). They all think it's great, and later, when Dillip receives the phone, he thinks it's really funny too.

BUT, while showing off the clip, Ms. Prude is attracted by the gathering at Bob's cube, wanders over, and asks what's going on. Bob explains the present and shows her the clip. Ms. Prude thinks the clip is offensive. "I feel unclean just watching it!" EVERYONE ELSE DISAGREES with Ms. Prude. But, that doesn't matter; it's harassment!

That's about how my first time masturbating went except I wasn't watching anything I was just half-asleep at like 8:30 on a saturday morning having various fantasies.

Nice stories as usual.

New company policy to boost morale and develop teamwork.

BUKKAKE ON THE HOT CHICK!!

X-D

I just died laughing.

And yeah what dude said about the enviroment is pretty much true. I noticed Asian chicks over in America have curves and cleavage whereas in Japan and etc, they don't always. Its amazing. There must be SOMETHING right in our diet, no? The land energy is messed up in Japan. You must set it right Az!

After looking at the loungerie, I was surprised that the models were caucasian because the designs seemed geared towards smaller people. Patterns, colors, and elaborate designs in order to create interest. it was strange to see big breasts with big patterns slapped on them.

Ah, Japanese and their comments.

Some weeks ago I was participant of the Kobe University Summer Program for foreign students. One day I came to talk with some of the female Japanese supporters.

At some point the conversation went like this:

One of the girls:"So, what do you think about Japanese girls and their looks?"
Me (the gentleman):"I think they're beautiful."
Her:"So, you really like/love them?"
Me (still the gentleman):"I'm saying nothing to that."
Her:"Yeah, I know, it's not so easy because mostly we don't have any breasts or asses, right?"
Me (stunned):" ... ..."

How do you answer to something like this in Japanese, English, German or any other language of this world? I have no idea.

Take care,

"Yeah, Japan's weird, did you know that?"

I just about died laughing after seeing what the chinese lady had to say ^_^. She was spot-on with her observations.

BTW, all the adult gaijin models you showed were not bad... but, the last model you showed.... hawtter than the Devil's nuts!

Another funny read & interesting bit of facts, Az :).

Actually there's another reason for using Japanese condoms -- they can be thinner than standard American brands. That's a minus for endurance but a big big plus for enjoyment.

Course I don't use most Japanese brands because guess what -- they're too small and too tight. And I'm Asian!

You win the entire internet.

I love that you are translating into the fluent english the description of shirts that have some pretty amusing english:

"100% Orange. How nice this Orange looks!"
"Comfortable time is spent feeling the breeze"
"How to Glow Love"
"Have a free view up to the sky"
"I say no to cigarette but they don't listen"

If you watch any of the Japanese Cartoons (Bleach, Naruto), none of the main characters look japanese. They all look like gaijin. Maybe the same way gamers from the west like to hear the original japanese in their games, and the japanese like to hear the english, it could be along the same vein. Who knows? We are all pretty much screwed up anyway...

haha oh wow. it's not too unusual with some people to make a joke or something between friends, IE "I got laid last night! w00t" or something around here, but some old chinese woman being serious about it... wow.

and people who file a harassment suit over something petty are the biggest losers.

keep up the good work Az!

For the record, I couldn't view the catalog links.

I think the reason for the gaijin-underwear-model phenomenon is that any Japanese woman curvy enough to sell underwear is probably working as a gravure model, race queen, or is doing porn. And Japanese kids are too busy to have a job! They're in school all day, then they play sports or join a club which takes up all the remaining time in their lives. Even in the summer I see Japanese kids playing sports at school.

Here come the /b/ allusions again !

I must admit i never saw any gaijin women with" kukkiri" tatooed on their breasts... have you ? if so, well, a winrar is you.

None of the catalog links work. I don't even know what it says.

None of the catalog links work. I don't even know what it says.
Good stories today, though.

If you have Firefox with NoScript installed, it'll prevent the redirect, and you can see the images. Just don't allow the site.

o shit son, this blog is from 2004? i can't be sad when i click on your rss and see it's not updated. i can go to your archives. +1 happy exp

the "comments" link doesn't work off the main page... it is linked to the incorrect article name

this innocent looking exchange student at my university once told me that she doesn't like American condoms because they're too thick.
BOOM
and she looked so innocent.

oh, and if you're trying to solve the link problem, i'm not sure you can, since the top page probably sets the browser's session, so visiting it would be a requirement to viewing the rest (otherwise the programming will go "where the fuck is my session variable, help!").

I have to say, this entry reminded of the golden times. Even though they've all been funny, it hasn't been THIS funny for a long time. Thanks for sharing!

I just saw your site advertised as one of my ads on gmail.... In Japanese. Apparently gmail thinks that because I send the occasional email in Japanese I now want Japanese spam!

Oh, Az. Roffling and winning internets? You're not a /b/tard are you?

AZ, after your "sumimasen" responce to the 50yr old lady did she say anthing else or turn back and give you any looks?? That good stuff.

"feel bad saying this, but I think the children models are Gaijin because little Japanese boys and girls look the same. :o"

Omoshiroi! lol

"I <3 you AZ. If I ever come to your part of Japan will you have dinner with me?"

Kawai.. (o_0)

I think mostly everybody thinks foreign children are cute. I think black and Asian kids are absolutely adorable, but when I see white kids I'm usually indifferent.

Why must I wait so long between posts? I need a weird Japan fix.

I forgot about typhoon season! I hope you're ok over there. Stay safe!

IF ONLY more asian women could have a body like Yoko Matsugane.

"Try to imagine, you're a foreigner in a strange land, who finally lands a job doing serious, actual work...and your company president catches you talking about your masturbation experiences over the internet."

Just be thankful you have a job where no one is trying to Kancho you.

Yet. >:)

my friends and I just discovered this site last night and I have to say as someone who will undoubtily be moving to Japan soon

YOU ARE MY NEW HERO!

too many times have i been at the "oh shit i need a condom moment and without one the opportunity to use them passed by unsavoured, now i keep a pack spare, I have come to see them as the tokens required for sex ( so as not to get any STDs (WTF did it change to STI?) cause without them i'd have to settle for head (which sucks compared, even to condom sex as vaginas don't have teeth to grind up the sides) so for me Az, i'd have to say that these days a condom is a premeditated thing and many other friends of mine think the same

"He came up with all the silence and suddenness of a fucking ninja--I had no time to quickly switch over to an actual work window."

No matter *how* embarrassing or ridiculous your
workplace gets, just remember this: You are enter-
ing a workplace where you *DO NOT* have to worry
about people trying to grab your penis and/or stick
fingers up your ass[1]. That alone should be
enough to get one through *any* embarrassment or
ridiculousness.

[1: ...yet.... ]

T-T I miss your articles...update.....please?

Az, dude, where are you?

I feel sad. I find myself rushing to www.gaijinsmash.net every day after school, hoping, begging, PRAYING for a new article. Without realizing it, I have found myself to be OBSESSED with your editorial, Az. I've been reading it since about a year, and the humor in all of these articles beats 98% of the stuff I've ever seen or read, and that's the honest truth. You have a true sense of humor. Anytime I see a new article, I silently cheer in my head, prepare myself (release of waste, taking care of anything that may interrupt my reading, etc.), click on the page, and bask in the juicy goodness of another hysterical anecdote about Japan's culture and/or people.

Anyway, I've grown pretty sad to see that you're updating much less frequently. I know you're obviously not OBLIGED to entertain us, but I hope sometime in the future you'll get back to a regular, more frequent schedule again.

-Your big fan, JohnSmith872

You are missed, Az. Every day, I log onto the site, hoping, anticipating, wishing for a new entry.

Have you any idea how my faith in you takes a hit every time there isn't one?

Because of you, I haven't truly laughed since your last entry was posted... : [

Welp, guess since Az has a 'normal' job and a girlfriend he just doesn't have as much to write about anymore.

Sad.

Welp, guess now all we can do is hope for the "I am a japanese english teacher" manga and anime now.

Welp, guess since Az has a 'normal' job and a girlfriend he just doesn't have as much to write about anymore.

Sad.

Welp, guess now all we can do is hope for the "I am a japanese english teacher" manga and anime now.

Hope the wind got you off work, but nothing worse... ^_^

Az man, what's up?

update?! c'mon man I haven't had a good dose of tha A-Z in a while! hurry up playa!

Awesomeness, AZ we require it... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeaseeeee
write a new article one of these days.

For nice Japanese boobies try
麻美ゆま - ネイキッドビーナス

"o shit son, this blog is from 2004? i can't be sad when i click on your rss and see it's not updated. i can go to your archives. +1 happy exp"

I take it back, update you summabitch!

Az, I have been reading you forever, faithfully, and I must admit its getting harder and harder to come back due to the lack of updates. Youre too funny to fade into oblivion. Come back!

Are you dead son?

I'm almost missing you!

SOOOOOOO are you still alive YES NO??

Yep Az, add me to the list of people who check the site multiple times a day on average. Even when no updates come for weeks. If you can muster it, many peoples' lives will be better as a result. And, I will personally buy you dinner, or something, when I'm in Japan next month.

Meanwhile I will patiently await the goodness to come. I do understand your committment to quality, which means we can't always expect an update when your life gets too hectic.

Az, where are j00000000000000?! Oh, and I think I may be going to Kyoto in a year or so for study abroad (if my univ. doesn't get a program with Sophia univ. in Tokyo first), so thumbs up or down?

yo nigga!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-19ioGniZ88
'nugh said!

Dammit, does any make good enough money to fly over to Japan and poke Az for all of us (or if someone already lives in Japan, even better)? They can borrow my poking stick- it's 90% effective in catching someone's attention although it does often have a side effect of annoyance.
I've been reading Az's articles for over two years now; I can't believe his absence is the first time I've ever posted anything (well, I guess second now). See Az hurry up and update! You're making your fans post pointless comments!

RIP Azrael

Az's Disappearance - POST THEORIES HERE

My money goes on Az being abducted by some stuck-in-the-80s Japanese 'Transformers' fans that are hell bent on revenge for his comments about the aforementioned show in a previous blog.

I reckon he was tortured by the gang by placing him in front of several virgins whilst surrounded by snakes. On a plane.

Following this harrowing experience, I am going to assume he was fed to Japanese killer-mice which stripped him of any flesh within seconds, creating a huge manga dustcloud in the process.

RIP Az. Fallen to the rodents of hell, but not forgotten.

... Or he could just be on holiday.

Az, are you dead?

Somebody needs to go to Japan and make sure Az is OK. :(

WHERE ARE J0000000000000!!!!!????

so does anyone else think that AZ'z next post will say guys its been a good run but am done with gaijin smash ect ect

Aw are the people giving you a hard time? No pressure from me dude! Anytime you feel like writing - till then I'll keep checking back...

It's a sad but unavoidable fact: office-worker cubicle life is boring. It doesn't provide the juicy blog fodder that eikaiwa-work does.

Az, you still alive?

AZ!!!! where u be bitch???!! plz write more! ur comedic take on ur tribulations in Japan make my day so much better

PLEASE don't let this site die, Az! At least post to tell us what happened.

You better have had a car crash! cuz if your
excuse for not updating isn't a car crash (or something equally as good), your next
excuse will be. GRRR!!!

were is you just post something that says HI am still around and all thats all i want

Man, that's a long break without warning. Hope Az didn't lose his PC.

AZ(rael) the Visualiza can't be dead

dont get it... wasnt there a full year of built up entries? (while the old outpost9 posts caught up on gaijinsmash)

we neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed our AZ fix. Even if it's not a whole editorial could you just put in a message to say that you havnt forgotten us?

Come baaaaaack.....
We know you have a life, but, y'know...throw it aside for a bit :)

Ground control to Major Tom.
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong.
Can you hear me Major Tom?
Can you hear me Major Tom?
Can you hear me Major Tom?

ehm...seriously, are you ok az? you´ve been hush hush for a while now, hope everything´s ok there!

I'm actually a little worried. I hope you're okay, AZ. =(

AZREAL IS DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD

We really are worried about you. Even if you don't have an article to post, just a "I'm alive, don't worry" would be nice.

Dude, where have you been all month? WE NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED YOUUUUUUU...U!

Dude.... creeping up on the one month line here.

Also, what Melanie said.

Almost a month without an entry.

The Ninjas finally got Az!

dude.. where you at??!?!?!
i check every day waiting for something new
X__X

It's almost going to be a month since his last poast!

Hey, I hope you didn't get in trouble with your job for the flow of traffic to their sites from the links posted. Hope everything is okay.

Anyone notice how everything is in italics after a certain point? It's been almost a month...

Been Reading since OP9, this is the first time i comment and i wished it weren't to find out if you're ok or not.

If You're too busy with work just drop a line or two just to ease our worries.

Hope to hear from you soon.

I miss your editorials. But if you're happy with your chick and your job, then I can understand why it's taking you awhile to come back. Have fun and hope to see you again soon!

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K...

I'd never been to one before I went to Japan, come to think of it...

Konbanha, Az!

I hope you are doing ok, since you haven't updated your post. I can only hope that nothing bad has happened to you. So please take care of yourself and stay healthy. (^o^)

Oyasumi Nasai!

Regards,
soulpaladin

dude, you alive? didn't meet up with watson and get kancho'd into the hospital did you? (btw, please don't be hospitalized because then I would feel horribly guilty.)

Let me follow the trend and ask: where the heck are you?

He -did- say he was swamped with work, so updates would be erratic :). I miss them too, but I guess like the rest of us I'll have to wait some more.

Hope things get less hectic in the future, Az. You may be in Japan, but you're a human being, not a mecha, no matter how masochistic you might get over there xD.

Take care, man :).

I think Az must have been finally converted, perhaps japan finally assimilated him, Borg Style.

I lol'd at "Me too"