the link on the main page doesn't work

the link should be "outpost_nine_up.phtml"

BUT on the main page it redirects to "outpost_nine_229.phtml"

i liked the editorial though =)

"Guys, if you do happen to catch your lady in one of these moods, and she does consent, do realize that she's not in the mood. So commit yourself to more foreplay/romantic stuff to help get her in the mood, and don't expect her to swing off any overhead light fixtures or anything like that."

OMG. Yes! Yes!!! YES!!!!

This is something all men should be aware of. Even though sometimes we might chop your head off if you don't stop rubbing up against us, most of the times our mood will change if you put a little more effort in to it, instead of wandering the hallways like a sulky ghosts.

It's not because we're evil and enjoy watching you sweat, but because, as you say, sometimes other stuff gets in the way and clouds our judgement.

Good read. The analogy of men needing sex the same way women need verbal validation is spot on.

Hey Az, I enjoyed the editorial. It's funny, even more like weed, it seems you can build a tolerance to seratonin, and you'll need more and more to keep yourself on that seratonin buzz. I wonder what a seratonin overdose would be like.

Regarding the friend zone, I am grand master. My ratio of friend zone girls to girlfriend girls are roughly 20:1

"(s)I(gh) am the champion, my friend"

(Az's Note: I think I've suffered from seratonin overdose, actually. ...My girlfriend's fire week is incredible.

For like an entire 2 and a half days, I couldn't even THINK about sex. It was weird to say the least.)

There was a stand-up comedian that sums it up best with.

"Women need to feel loved to have sex, while men need sex to feel loved."

Wow, two and a half days? That'd probably make a man with a vow of celibacy think "whoa". If I told my friends that I went two and a half days without the thought of sex even entering my mind, they'd think I was broken.

...Aaaa... OMG!!!! Nice timing Az. A similar thing is happening to me right now :(

****ing friend zone... And it's a little more complicated than that even. We had sex and we still do, but she's seeing someone...

I told her how I feel about her and she said that she feels the same way about me. And from what I get from her he's not as half as great as me...
But she doesn't want to break up with him :(

What is it with you women??? Why can't you be a little more impulsive?? Do you get used to a guy after a while, like to a piece of furniture??
You buy something and you regret it, but you get used to it after a while???

Or is it a sense of security?? But it's not like she'd be alone, she'd have me... If I'm so great what are you still doing with him? Or am I just that good in bed?

I hate myself and my parents for raising me to be so... so... so... nice :(
Why do I have to be so caring??

Blah... Enough of this...

Anyway I'm gonna go drown my head in a bucket of alcohol now... At least I still have you Jackie...

Thanks for listening to me ramble on and on :D
What is it about telling your problems to a bunch of strangers that makes you feel better? :)

Sorry about such a long comment and for my bad English. It's nice to see that your editorials are getting more frequent.

Hope to read you again soon :)

Just so you know, I'm aware of that fact. I mean, the fact that no sex = no recognition for men. Just like for women it's no cuddling without sex = no recognition. As we know you'll have sex with anyone, your not having sex is a proof that you love us.
So yeah, it's tricky. If we have sex often, you're happy but we might feel that you love us only for that. If we don't, we're happy but you might feel that we love you only for the "cuddling" part.

I can only say 2 things about this article:
Men: yes, you can insist. Or even, be very cuddly and affectionate and that might change her mind. But don't insist TOO much. There is such a thing as raping your wife, and if she ends up saying "oh, okay" because she's annoyed with your begging, it doesn't mean she won't feel raped. Now, it's an extreme case, but I'm just saying, you should learn how to stop at some point, too.

Women: if you're not in the mood... You can suggest the snuggling, and maybe more. Just be clear with him that you might only snuggle and have no sex: you don't know yet. But if you do snuggle without the pressure, you might be in the mood in the end. I'm saying "without pressure" because just knowing he wants to have sex always makes me nervous, and when you're nervous you're not in the mood.

This way, both parties can be happy. The woman can feel recognised because he took the time to be affectionnate and didn't pressure her. The man can have sex with the woman he loves and know he's recognised and loved by her. You just have to both work on it. Yeah, both. The man being all affectionate won't do much if the woman doesn't learn to relax and enjoy the snuggling and more.

And here I thought "serotonin" was just a bunch of
pseudo-Goth pro-wrestlers.... ;)

At first I was thinking, "This is gonna be just another one of those 'guys pleading for an excuse to have sex' articles." I should have remembered the caliber of the author. I really, really should have.

This is brilliant, Az. You're completely and 100% correct. I never even realized it, but it's true. Guys do need physical reassurance, whereas females need emotional reassurance. I suppose it's just two sides of the same coin, and a female can, perhaps, get herself into some sort of "sex zone", where she gets no emotional support from her male friends but gives them everything else, the polar opposite of the "friend zone". Something to think about.

"All I wanted was to be loved; is that so wrong?"

He, he...

Ah yes, finally another Outpost Nine editorial!
And a great one too. Wait, has there ever been one, which was not great?

Please try to write more of those. I find them as interesting and funny/sad as the GS posts.
Then again I am in Japan right now so maybe I don't have the right perspective anymore ...

Take care

You certainly know how to endear yourself to female readers. You sly fox. Don't worry, I won't tell.
As for your wedding fund, stop begging. To me expensive weddings are akin to funerals. They're just a way for someone else to get a lot of your money. My daughter had a wedding that cost in excess of $20K. I told her to get married at the courthouse and she could have the $20K in cash. She took the big stupid party instead. Now, she and her hubby would really like to buy a house in So. Cal. and that $20K would come in very handy. I think it was Yogi Berra who said,"Some people, when they don't know, you can't tell 'em". Still, I try.

I am Priam, and I have a confession to make:

I live in this Bizarro world you speak of. And let me tell you, the trouble is no different from the troubles of your own, un-zarro world--the issues are merely shuffled around a little.

I, being the proud owner of a Y chromosome, have a partner (with no Y) whose sex drive could be adequately described as 'torrential.' Four to six hours after we, er, conjugate our verbs, she's ready (and occasionally raring) for another go. I, on the other hand, tend towards the five-times-a-week kind of schedule.

What frequently happens is that over the course of the day, I will trigger her "me so horny" switch by some inadvertently-sexy act on my part (including but not limited to, by her count, practicing martial arts, speaking, getting angry, or thinking--no joke), and she will give that sort of "I am imagining you naked and then some" kind of growl--whereupon, to my disgrace, I find myself completely unable to find 'the mood' and indulge her impulses with any sort of honesty or eagerness. "You may have me" is not the same as "I want you now," either--it's okay in a pinch, but just not the same for either partner.

So we end up going to bed, and though she is blessedly capable of withholding on her libido, I know on some level that she'd rather that we be, uh, assembling our interlocking pieces, a majority of the time, or at least a significant fraction of the time. Doesn't feel all that great to not really be 'up to it.' (The plus side is that when I DO have that get-up-and-go, the result is pretty awesome.)

Now, I know that, generically speaking, men consider sex a demonstration of love, where for women it's more a result of love. Which, perhaps, only makes it worse that my body is so hesitant to engage in the activity as often as she would like, because it feels like I cannot sufficiently express my love for her. Just imagine if you not only felt like you couldn't speak the words "I love you" enough and with enough conviction that you would be believed, except instead--or perhaps additionally(!!)--it is your bodily love that is inadequate in quantity. (She understands her libido runs very high, and does not hold my greater mood-recharge time against me, which I'm not sure she knows how very much I appreciate.)

But, having been on the other side of the equation in a relationship (thankfully) years past, I can't really say which is better or worse a situation. My current one is certainly more unusual, but then again the two of us are, individually, rather unusual persons. Just sayin'--the grass ain't necessarily greener. I do not envy your situation, but please understand that the other side is also not to be envied.

It scares me to say but, my gf always wants sex and I just don't ever have the energy to do it as much as she wants it, like 2 times a week for a month and i was like, "is that all we are" bit... Uh oh... does that make me the woman? I'm going to go do my nails now... *Walks off cliff in daze*

Is it bad that when you talked about the bizarro world and said that the cable guy tells you EXACTLY when he's coming, I assumed at first it was because he wanted to have sex with the bizarro-wife?

First I would like to say Gaijin Smash and Outpost Nine are both really great reads. As a girl with a really high sex drive, it has never been hard to find partners. It's kinda funny, because I am in a relationship now with a guy who has a lower drive than I do. Everything else is great, just gets frustrating sometimes when I have to beg for it.

Totally spot-on article. Very nice work. Hope your penis is feeling better, by the way.

"So commit yourself to more foreplay/romantic stuff to help get her in the mood"

NO, DONT! Geezus, don't tell them that! Just get it over with! I don't mind that you want it, that's great, go for it. But don't keep me up for hours with the foreplay when I'd much rather be sleeping, thanks. Of course, you tell your guy that and hurt his feelings. My bad... but really. If I'm not in the mood, I'd rather it take less time than more.

Also, "Boning some other girl may take care of the immediate physical need, but it won't satisfy the emotional one he's looking for from his loved one."

Oh. I sorta figured that most guys would love to be told that it was okay to go somewhere else for the physical, especially if you're not putting out. No wonder he didn't take that statement well... *wince* ehehehe, whoops? I thought it was logical in my defense... if you don't get it from me, you gotta get it somewhere, right? *crickets chirp*

(Az's Note: Hoo-boy...as much of horn dogs as we guys are, we hate hate HATE it when the girl just says "Ok, I don't really want to do it, but just go for it and let me know when you're done." For me, if the girl is just going to lay there and not be into it...that's not at all satisfying. Masturbation would be better.)

Man, you nailed it perfectly. I don't know how many times I have tried to explain this to my girlfriend in the last few months; she just cannot understand that all men have this need that once a week just will not satisfy. It was good and consistent for the first year but lately it seems I have been relegated to the minimum booty zone :[. On the other hand, I have been on the flip side of this, where my woman wanted it 5 times a day every day. Here's the problem with that, you eventually are satisfied to the point that you don't need it, and 3 years of this will get you to the point that you don't even want it. I think all people need some time to get the desire back (like 2 days recoup time). Anyways, I'm going through this dry spell myself currently.. this article clearly articulates the problem and at least made me feel less alone in my dilemma.

I laugh every time I read something like this. To understand this phenomenon better, I recommend this little book: "Relationship Strategies: E&P Attraction" (http://tinyurl.com/32nwwb). It's not terribly well written, and the examples are from 30 years ago, but the ideas in it are timeless and amazing.

It breaks people down into two general groups. Most relationships involve one person from each of the two groups. Of the many personality traits, one group has about three times the sex drive of the other. It's not based on gender, like "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus"; men and women fall into both categories about equally.

If you are the type of person who likes to have sex every day, you will probably find yourself in relationships with people who prefer it about once every three days. If you push them for more, they will withdraw, and go for longer periods of time without wanting sex. They will also have a more difficult time getting in the mood or "warming up". In the worst cases, it can cause a complete breakdown of a sexual relationship. But if you allow them the time they need to recharge their libido, you will find yourself with a much more pleasant sex life.

Of course hormones can also play a role, like Az has discovered. But I'm talking about the times when hormones are fairly level.

When both partners understand their natural rhythms, you can talk about it and work out ways to keep each other happy.

I highly recommend the book. It solved a lot of relationship riddles from my past, and has paved the way for much smoother relationships in the future.

Missed it by *that* much!

I don't normally point it out, in part because I failed in this area myself, but I'm one of those who believe firstly that sex should wait until marriage, for both spiritual and practical reasons, which I won't get into here. That said, let me bring a little age & understanding to the table. May the LORD forgive me if I'm giving out TMI.

Many women shut down completely when a little pressure is added to the "I want to have sex" discussion. That's the last thing we need when other issues have us saying no. Instead of begging for it (a total turnoff to some of us), try being a bit helpful and work with her on some of the tasks she wants to get accomplished. You might find that that's all she wanted/needed.

(Ignore the strange little man behind the curtain who is trying to tell you not to ask for support of your wedding. Remember, some of your other fans suggested you keep links up everywhere so that we would have opportunity to donate whenever we could.)

well, other girls may disagree with your stance on dedicating more time to foreplay, but I am in complete agreement - it doesn't take much to get me in the mood if I'm not so it's really to the benefit of all parties for the guy to expend a little effort getting me in the mood, so that we can rock the bedsheets. I hate having to say "no, i'm not in the mood tonight" so don't even put me in that position! just jump my bones, make it hot, and everything else will fall into place... at least most of the time (and I will be sure to validate excessively the other times)
I like your more recent, more upbeat articles - all that death of a nice guy stuff is really upsetting to me, so I hope it ain't the case anymore

Az, if my wife could've understood this aspect of me, then it might have helped save my marriage instead of her considering me a maniac. Besides the many other issues, this has to be NUMERO UNO in the failing of my marriage. Thank you for putting it into words that I can now explain to the women who come into my life.

Wow, good article, so true. Im actually having this problem in my current relationship. I could easily have sex 2-3 times a day, even every 5 hours or so if my girl rapes me. But unfortunately this is'nt the case with my current GF. Might get the satisfaction i desire 2 times a week, 3 if im lucky.... :-/ And thats exactly when i start thinking about my EX, and how good an frequent the sex was, if i was being take'n care of i wouldnt be wondering off into sexuially past and fantasy land Im actually gonna send her this editorial and have her read it to explain what i mean..

Hi, Az! Saw this today and thought of you:

http://www.asylum.com/2008/03/04/breasts-save-the-day-for-convicted-japanese-model/

For me it's a hard (hee) line between getting me in the mood and getting it done. When I'm not particularly in the mood, I do want it to not take for freaking ever, but it's true that dudes haaaate it when there's no enthusiasm whatsoever. I think you covered it quite well with "Don't expect her to hang off the light fixtures or anything." Because yeah, pretty much. I'm not just gonna lie there and think of England because: awkward, but it's not gonna be the most enthusiastic I've ever been either. Meaning, this is not a good time to ask if I want to be on top.

Wow i couldn't agree with you more! I thought i was the only man who was stuck in the friend zone.

It's all about bizzarro world for me. Sigh, so remember you have friends on the other side.

-Camille

A lot of girls out there should also consider the many physical benefits of sex: Having sex 3 times per week will burn the equivilant of about 6 big macs. It increases the amount of oxygen supplied to your cells. The more you do it the higher your sex drive will get. It increases female hormones making for a healthier and softer vaginal tract. Some researchers have found that the heart attack risk of men who have sex at least 3 times per week is halved; in other words there is a good chance that your guy will DIE if you don't have lots of sex with him (ok so that was an exaggeration to prove a point). Sex causes the release of endorphins which can releive headache or PMS pain. It boosts your immune system making you less likely to come down with colds or the flu. The list goes on.
On another note, I am always so flattered when my boyfriend wants to have sex with me. It's a great reminder that he finds me attractive and there is no greater turn on than that. I think some other girls may have an entitlement attitude and take it for granted that their partners find them desireable. Some forget to feel grateful that someone finds them sexy and special. Maybe if more girls were to view their boyfriend/husband's sexual desire towards them as a compliment rather than an annoyance they would be a lot more responsive toward sexual advances and lead more fulfilling lives both in terms of physical and relationship health. That's how I look at it at least.

(Az's Note: Dear Ms. Kat,

I love you. Thank you for writing this. I'm going to translate this into Japanese and sing it from the rooftops. You are awesome.)

Where can I buy seratonin pills?

Heh, Az... you think bizarro world is where the girl has a higher sex drive? Get this: I live in a bizarro world where my sex drive is **almost exactly the same as my guy's.** How's that for bizzaro? Although mine does change time to time because of hormones, but that's just normal (if extremely annoying to both of us).
I totally agree with Kimmykat though- girls should be glad that someone finds them attractive, even if they're supermodel gorgeous. ESPECIALLY if it's the one person they love and want to be with. I still blush every time my guy compliments me, and knowing that he thinks I'm beautiful and sexy makes me WANT to be beautiful and sexy for him.
And girls, listen to Az! If you're not in the mood, agree to let your man do stuff- but don't just lay there like a dead fish, that won't help either of you. Concentrate on what he's doing and try to enjoy it for what it is. You may find you're a lot more into it than you thought you'd be.

Great article Az, it's exactly what I've been trying to explain to all my girls when they complain about their guy wanting sex X amount of the time, or whatever. Definitely being printed out and distributed to my finicky gal pals XD

Hm, yeah, some girls can be nasty cold at times, huh?

Personally, I'm thankful that I'm not the type of guy who likes girls. I'm sure you could easily put two and two together with my previous sentence.

Most stand-up comics actually do have it right when they say men understand each other better. We really do. So, when men who like other men want sex, the whole "is that all we are?" problem is rare to non-existent. =3

I'm sure you're aware there are many gay dudes who you couldn't really tell was gay by looks alone, I'm one of them. Many of us enjoy the same things you do, beer, beef (I'm a well done man just like yourself), video games, really good action films and not chick flicks, and so on. Kinda like a puzzle piece that isn't placed in the correct area and doesn't really look right at all, but fits anyway, possibly even better than if the correct piece were placed there. To make it even simpler:

Man 1: "Dude, I'm beating your ASS with Guile here."
Man 2: "Fuck you man, I got you with Ryu the last round. Hey, how about we do some nasty stuff in bed after we're done with this, and we'll go rent Transformers tomorrow?"
Man 1: "Hmm.. Sure! You get more condoms and lube?"
Man 2: "Yup. =3"

Vid- that pretty much sums it up.

I love being gay and having a gamer boyfriend. It's so fun to have make-up sex after having lost hideously at just about any game.

You know, as a girl I actually think you're right about the "women will cuddle with anyone but only have sex with that one person" bit... Although granted when I'm in a relationship I'd feel unfaithful to have any physical contact with another guy, even just resting my head on his shoulder or whatever.

OK, it's getting on towards one month sans update;
just how deep in Wedding-Planning Hell is he?

i know that this is totally unrelated but dude i don't think that the fat thing that the japanese have is restricted to Japan. I'm hosting a Russian who said that she saw beyonce live but she thought she was kinda fat. out of all the things she could've said, the first thing that she said was that. another russian refused to eat fast food because he said that he didn't want to be fat and become american.

Genius as always. Good to see another person that takes into consideration as well as understands these aforementioned considerations. I think it should be law for every woman (and man for that matter) to read this article. I know I'm going to write down the link to this editorial and for any future girlfriend who springs the "Is that all I'm good for to you???" argument, I shall give her the link :D

P.S) Nice going, you totally just ruined the ending to "The Wonder Years" for me. I taped it and was planning on watching it later (yes, I've been planning it for 15 years). What's the point now huh??? HUH???

OK, it's now *well over* a month sans update....

Don't make me post the rules I've written for
_Kancho: The Boardgame_.... >:)

Maybe his girlfriend already killed and ate him after mating, like japanese usually do.

Updates! Updates! We want Updates! LOL!

Az--you must inform us as to how the wedding prep is going!

Azzzz why did you have to pop the question?? :(

I know you're very busy in your new ball and chain life, and you've given us so many hours of free entertainment so I have nothing to complain about but.. COMPLAIN!!! Hah...

Just please post often still. Even if it's just about monotonous stuff. You always do that sweet half circle punch on mundane stuff that gives it a kick. Wait, punch.. kick? Shit. Just please write write often you big ex-gaijin you.

Dude. Please, write something already. After all, this is My All-Time Favourite Blog, so send your fiancee shopping for a day, turn your phone off, take the day off work and lock yourself in your house and Write Already.

Please ?

... Is he dead?

I'm really worried... o_O
You alright? Still alive? Or starved?
Should we send more money?
Please let us know, you're still walking amongst the living. :)
Big hug!!! :)

3D woman is pig disgusting. Lolis are where it's at.

Also, RAGE.

/virgin

Hi Az, i'm sure you'll enjoy this : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boong-Ga_Boong-Ga
^^

Az, I hope all is going well with the wedding planning but I am starting to have witty article withdrawals. I can't wait for your next update.

Maybe he's been eaten by Gojira?

Nearly two months. WTF is he doing?

"OK, it's getting on towards one month sans update;
just how deep in Wedding-Planning Hell is he?"

Two months now. I'd say pretty deep. Either that or he was consumed alive by a roving flock of pidgins.

So it's been about a month since you updated...

Hmmmh.. It´s been a while since the last update. I guess that all those wedding things etc are taking alot of time. ^^

I hope everything is alright tho.

two months of no update... I hope he's okay

Almost two months now.

When are you going to post a few pics of you and your beautiful wife to be? Wish you the best man, and hope you keep writing for years to come. Even after you become a dad and learn the true lessons of life... :)

If you could make an rss feed on the other site that would be great