i have to admit i am thrilled that you are teaching english still. i am new to the racket and you are kinda a guru on the topic. so thanks!

kristin in takahama-cho

I think you should take DP under your wing. Make sure that at least one Japanese born male sees the evils that is his MTV fueled world. You may not be able to change things in Japan, but when he grows older he sure can. It is a long shot but it just might work.

Glad to see that you're back in action, kind of >_>

I'm sure there are lots of jobs you'd rather have at the moment, but at least you being an English teacher benefits everyone! (except for your sanity :p)

Explain to us again why did a girl bring a duck horn to school? Did no one even bat an eyelid to that?

By the way, this Hikki character is starting to scare the bejeesus out of me.

This Hikki character, interesting.
I put my head on the desk too =D Sometimes.

I don't know how you mage to find these gems of schools, I've had nothing but positive experiences at junior highs in my 2 years here in Tokyo. Very entertaining to read about the similarities though. :)

About Ms. Forehead 2:

You say she has the same first name, but a different Kanji. Can you elaborate for those of us who don't speak or write Japanese? My understanding was that, as opposed to words composed of letters (i.e. English), Japanese was composed of kanji symbols, each of which had a unique sound and meaning. So, how is it possible for her to have the same name, but with a different symbol?

Cheers.

(Az's Note: If you think about it, you realize that the Japanese phonetic system isn't that big. Certainly not big enough to give all 2000 kanji their own unique sound.

For example, I can combine the kanji for "school" kou, and the kanji for "song" ka, to make kouka - "school song." 校歌

Or, I can combine the kanji for "efficient" kou, and the kanji for "reward" ka, to get kouka - "effect" 効果

Same sound, different kanji, different meaning. It's like that.)

are you now employed directly by the BOE?
Whats the pay like?

Remember folks, this story isn't taking place in real time. All of this stuff happened a while back now.

Hilarious....absolutely hilarous. Granny Panties has become Simba...you have now ruined the Lion King for me Az. Porn Star Omega??? Fucked up Hikki (who is begining to remind me of Ringu now...) You are going to hell. But like I said, many of us also teaching here are in the same boat, so there's probably a level playing the carpenters 24/7 with Watson trying a ninja kancho and Simba and Fishnets raining down STDs on you.
Im with you, that jaded on seeing panties at 14? What the hell has he been doing to get THAT much action that he's jaded by it before his 2nd decade? You should name him Deuce Bigalow for being too big a man whore...or boy whore.

Keep up the stories! I love comparing your adventures to mine! (no matter how bad a day I have, YOURS is worse.) Arigatou Gozaimasu!!

I know EXACTLY how "Daniel Powter" feels. The first time I heard it, it wasn't bad. Then all of a sudden, it exploded, and you couldn't walk three feet without hearing that damn song.

Heh, I feel that DP kid's pain.
Also, how does Azrael know what Pedobear is?

"He's just biding his time, smiling at kids in his artichoke toga, waiting for the day until he can drown us all in his rich, creamy corn juices. I'm warning you."

Never mistake sneering for smiling. The Jolly Green Giant is just evil. And while I've never had a nightmare involving the bastard, I always hated sitting at the dinner table with him.... his food, anyway.

And...

"I sort of wish for an XCOPY of Ms. Americanized, but then I realized that you can't copy her. And if you did, there'd be TWO Japanese women out there who could bust out with gems like, "Man, I hate it when bitches like that are getting laid and I'm not getting laid!" I don't think the universe can handle that."

Damn straight, man. Nature hates sameness. That's why Japanese society's birthrate is dropping so fast. They've made it their goal to standardize all their people. Standard mindset, standard working classes, standard tentacle porn... you get the idea. Nature's thinking is: "So, 'the nail that sticks out will get hammered back into place', eh? BZZZZT!"

Besides, having more than one Miss Americanized would upset some physical laws or something. What was the name of it? The Murphy's Law of Awesomeness? I can't remember the name. Even so, if you could replicate her Ms A's double presence would probably cause the universe to collapse from sheer amazement.

Too bad.

Interesting bunch of.... students you have to deal with. Hope they give you at least less trouble than the Ghetto and Watson's schools.

Peace.

The concept of someone's rich, creamy corn juices disturbs me.

^^^ How does he know what Pedo-bear is?

This isn't a dig at Az, but how could he *not*? :p

Haha, oh wow. You should have named the Daniel Powter kid "Mitchell". It would have been so godamned perfect.

Research. Wikipedia has some weird stuff on it.

As for the article, yeah, I know how someone can be jaded that early. It's Japan. He'd probably been watching porn since he was 6 during dinner. Hell, he probably thinks that if he ever has a girl take her panties off, he;s going to get a cloud of pixels.

Ahhh That ended too fast
I was having fun with these names.. such an abrupt end too

Lol, a mini Hikki-chan in your class? I'd take her over a mini Ayumi Hamasaki any day! She looks like a bug and it creeps me the fuck out. And at least Hikki-chan speaks perfect English ^^

Apparently the lack of sexual satisfaction is also causing Japanese workers to have the lowest morale:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070514/lf_afp/lifestylefranceireland;_ylt=AvESS4.dJ6qvaO1sFX8Z5jEDW7oF

Of course, if I also had to put up with some of this shit at work, I'd have pretty low morale, too o_O

Pedo-bear?

Let's not forget rules one and two, Az.

Are most of these from the same school? You mentioned having two this time, I think.

Dude, your my hero...well sort of

oh god, the gaijin is back... and smashing more than evar.

awesomeness. smash on, dude.

Hey Az, if those kids like DP, I bet they go crazy over sappy love song master James Blunt.

Okay, she's beatiful, she's beautiful. Who gives a shit? NOBODY Thank God that song's not on regular radio rotation in the US anymore.

Cool stuff. You got the best site around. Keep up the good shit!!

Aloha

I hate that song too...

I prefer Weird Al's "You're Pitiful" version, anyway :) The original one is annoying as all heck.

I think it's funny that you called that girl Simba. My friends and I call the girls with the puffed up blond hair lions.

Yeah word.

My God, all these 4chan references. Last week it was OVER NINE THOUSAND and now pedo-bear? Plz post some CP next week Az.

"Hey Az, if those kids like DP"

Oh God, that comment is just so wrong on SO many levels... And sadly, some of your slut students probably do like it.

The one thing I'm wondering about, Az, as I've been reading your stories for some two years now, is that you do seem to be a glutton for this kind of punishment. I mean, here you're finally rid of the Ghetto school, and you go right back and sign up for TWO more! :D

Ofcourse, we all love it, since it makes for great stories. (your school of peace stories were cool too, but the Ghetto ones are just more funny and unbelievable)

I gotta ask, maybe someone knows this, if MIDDLE school is this bad, what is high school like in Japan? I mean, gang bangs in the middle of class and such?

Thanks for all the entertainment Az. If you ever write a book, let us know, I'll buy a few copies. :)

Daniel Powter (the kid, not the 'musician') sounds pretty decent, if he really did say that. It's not usual for a schoolkid to crack out a line like that.

I'm more on your side, though. Sure, Daniel Powter pretty thuroughly sucks, but he's not of the earbleeding quality of the song that plagued ME throughout MY school years: P.I.M.P.

Nice job on the Pedobear reference. XD I know some people are complaining, but I really never expected any 4chan refs out of you, so if you continue to do them well, continue to do them. X3

I think Daniel Powter is pretty cool and that his song is overplayed. I was actually hoping for about the length of a year that "Lie To Me" would catch on with people but it hasn't.

Sup Az:

My friend and I in Korea talk about your blog frequently and just how crazy your stories are.

We're both teachers at public schools, and even though the stories are not as crazy as yours, it still gives us relief for a long day at the office.

Simba - Also mentioned in the previous entry. Her puffed-up golden locks sort of look like a lion's mane, so, Simba. You know, if Simba were Japanese. And a raging slut.
How about Kimba?

Apparently, Mr. English just got freaking tired of teaching English for so long. :P

It would be hilarious if one of your kids found this page.

Ah, Hikaru Utada. Personally, I'm a big fan of her work on Kingdom Hearts (I know this is kinda shallow for a fandom, but pardon my fanboying). I have some of her other stuff, but haven't really listened to it yet. Any suggestions out there for other favorites?

I also hate that song. working at a job over the summer, it would play on the radio two or three times every hour. for 8 hours. daily. i worked full time. so 2 x 40 = 80. 80 x 10 weeks of summer vacation = 800 times of hearing that song. at least. maybe more. the carpenters and the fray and shakira also were repeated throughout that day. oh, the agony...

You didn't used to be so mean, and your language was much nicer. Is writing getting harder for you? Are you getting home sick?

I can totally feel for Daniel Powter here. I hate this song with a burning passion. It was cute the first few times. Like, "Aww. He drew her an umbrella!" kind of cute. Then it turned into an ugly horribly over-played mindless song mess. Everyone was playing it. Constantly. Even on TV. My friends, knowing how much I loath the song, made a point to call me everytime it came on the radio. So I send props to my Powter-loathing Japanese Male Counter-part (Even though I'm a chick). Word.

Get the story straight, Daniel Powters is CANADIAN!

Omg.

I find your stories absolutely entertaining, considering I am a Canadian fourteen-year-old girl who is WAAY beyond her years. I am fascinated by Japanese culture and a friend recommended this site to me. I love this! Please continue. :P

-Rachel <3

About the Daniel Powter kid - that is some Twelve Monkeys shit right there, Az. You are looking at your junior high, Japanese self. Someday soon that kid is going to see God strike you down as part of a bet, and then he's going to say, "FUCK this, man." Then he's going to move to America and get surgery to become a black man. AND THEN HE'S GOING TO BECOME YOU.

You know...I agree with Daniel Powter. I hate the song only because it's played too much. And the description you gave of F-ed up Hikki reminds me of that girl from the Ring.

MY GOD, I HAVE A JAPANESE TWIN. Daniel Powter should burn in hell. That song is so fucking annoying it could become the NINTH circle of hell by itself. I even came up with a plan to wipe that song off the face of the earth: edit it so that it has subliminal messages of "I love Satan, eat babies" when you play it backwards or some crap like that, and release it to the public.
..Whew, got it out of my system.

It never ceases to amaze me how you end up with people like Quakers and Ms. Americanized. (And by the way, you can't clone her. Japan would explode from the sheer amount of awesomeness in such a small place. It's like trying to clone Ultimate Sweetness: instant heart attack. Imagine if they were both cloned, you would violate some scientific law and the universe would collapse upon itself, unable to contain the level of awesome/cuteness, (each of which would be well OVER NINE THOOOOOOOOUSAAAAAAAAAND on my scouter.)

Only in Japan can you get jumped kicked in a Santa costume.

In closing, I think you slap this on a billboard and it would be accurate. --> http://www.ratemyeverything.net/ImageFetch.ashx?Size=0&ImageID=1748

hoy! what's wrong with the artichoke toga?

Kage Bushin...?

Either thats a Streets of Rage/Bare Knuckle reference or it was used in another game or anime (Gundam, maybe?).

least sexually unsatisfied?
I smell untapped market...as well as azz.

the Jolly Green Giant statue will come to life and hunt you down! I can just see that statue all pissed off coming outta the ocean to terrorize japan in his efforts to find you.

and heres wiki article on that statue should you wanna amuse yourself for about 9.2 seconds.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jolly_Green_Giant

"Boy: Yeah. I liked it the first 30,000 times. From 30,001 though, every time I hear it I just want to die inside."

yeah... that reminds me of the first time I heard that lump of shit...

Heh, Simple & Clean one of the single most enjoyable moments I had playing Kingdom Hearts was at the beginning when it's used. Even had it as my ringtone on my old Nokia (One Winged Angel just doesn't work as a standard ringtone nor polyphonic for that matter).

With the amount of anime I watch (so sue me), and
my preferred PS2 games I own (so I like games with a storyline, why not), I'm familiar with more than a few of the Japanese singers, but visuall and aurally, maybe if that girl quit leaving her head on the desk she'd resemble Ms. Hikaru Utada more flatteringly... Of course taking a bicycle pump out and trying to reinflate her face might help too.

Note before anyone makes the mistake of assuming I'm a hopeless fanboy, it's not actually that accurate a call, I watch a lot more anime than western films for the simple fact they frequently have better stories, even if they are sometimes a tad silly. Of course I'll beat you to death if you bring a dub near me, I'm sick of hearing Southern American voices coming from Japanese faces, especially since a big chunk of them are also pornstars.
Still I can picture how that girl looks pretty well.